doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
