From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
