how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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