Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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