Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is not my ceiling
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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