When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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