It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
