so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
