I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
