we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
