I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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