I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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