Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
