just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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