i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
