this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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