I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
