We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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