I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
