no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
