How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
