Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
