just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
