I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
