Please, let me fuck your mom
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
