i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
