i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
