I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
