Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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