The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
