im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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