id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
