At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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