D3 body, D1 cock
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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