I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
