Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
