Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
