just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
