maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
