Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i out mim tonsoeep
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