If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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