I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
