Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize