I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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