I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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