You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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