How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize