??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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