Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
