I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my poor anus
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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