If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize