bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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