I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just found puke in my bra..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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