I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
