And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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