dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize