Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
