i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
