This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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