i'm signing you up for texting rehab
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
