Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
