i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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