oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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