At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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