yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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