i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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